the piece i never should have written

you're fucked.


  i want to be the one to cause your blindness,
  gauge out your beautifully piercing blue eyes so you can no longer see me the way i know you do

  i'll be the noise to fill your eardrums and make them blow,
  no longer will you be available to listen to anything i have to say
  and you never fucking do anyways
  you only care about yourself.

  i want to be the one to sew your mouth shut with twine
  to make it impossible to speak those devastating words you've told me time and time again
  i don't want to fucking hear it anymore.


i want to be everything that makes you fail
i want all of your organs to fail
i would donate any piece of myself to you

make me the mental illness that creeps into your mind until your mind is no longer your own
slowly driving you to a tortured insanity
i hope you fucking can't tell what's up or what's down
i want full control of every thought you could ever possibly think up
in that sick and contorted brain of yours.
how you could think there was no wrong in everything you did is a straight up fucking mystery to me
you're an ignorant cunt.
i want to take over your mind
but i also want to be the medication to ease your thoughts

let me be the water to fill your lungs and replace any air supply, any hope of survival
i will suffocate you to death
i hope you drown in your regret for all the shit you put me through that i never deserved
and then i would administer you CPR

i am the adrenaline that will cause your heart attack,
your fucked up heart that doesn't know how to properly care for a person
is that what caring is to you
i will rip your heart from your chest then replace it with my own
i would do that for you
i would have done that for you

i could be the cancer that latches on to every part of your insides and makes it impossible for you to keep any true part of yourself
spreading and growing until you're nothing but a tumorous wreck
or i could be the chemo to save you.

i will peel every last bit of skin off of your bones until you're not even recognizable
you have both terrible and blemished skin anyways
i'm doing you a favor.
i will give you a new skin, my skin
just like you wanted

i want to be the knife in your back, the gun in your hand, and the poison in your veins
i will stab you in the back and be the bandages to patch you up
i'm the poison coursing through your selfish veins, and the antidote to cure you
i want to shoot you in the fucking head


i could be the drugs shot into your arm
one dose for every bad thought you ever put in my mind.
two for every bad feeling you ever gave me.
you would overdose because you're fucking scum, trash, a piece of shit
and i would take care to clean you up from the floor


i want to see you hanging by your throat until your precious face turns from blue to purple
you will see flashes of light and hear the ringing in your ears before i cut you down
and you will wear the ligature mark for a time being
and i would kiss it better

make me the devil that steals your empty soul and corrupts it,
breaking every single part of you until you're completely obliterated
you aren't even dust, you don't exist anymore.
and then i will create your soul again more beautiful than it has ever been in the past
tying it to a kite so it can soar in the sky

i have never met anyone so selfish and wanted to be so selfless to them.
i will tear you limb from limb and then desperately try to glue the pieces back together
i will light you on fire with my hatred and rage, drape myself over you to put out the flames.
i want to tear you down and then build you up brick by brick until you tower above most everybody
i want to cut you deep and then heal your wounds
i want to see you suffer
i want to see you succeed

i want to fucking kill you, but i don't want to hurt you.